The fantasy of many a married couple at one point or another I’m sure, We’re Not Married expands on a plot device from one of Alfred Hitchcock’s frothier films, Mr & Mrs Smith, showing how five different couples react to the news that, due to an administrative error, they were never legally married.

Justice of the Peace Melvin Bush has just been certified to carry out marriages in Gretna Green (I didn’t know there was a Gretna Green in the USA, but there you go, I guess that was the place to go before Las Vegas), however he unknowingly officiates five marriages before his licence has actually come into effect. Two years later, the error is discovered and the couples informed. The Gladwyns (Ginger Rodgers and Fred Allen) are a radio husband and wife team, the perfect image of an all-American couple, but in real-life they can’t stand each other. Mrs Norris (Marilyn Monroe) is the beauty queen Mrs Mississippi, while her husband (David Wayne) looks after their baby and looks after the housework. Hector Woodruff (Paul Douglas) is the discontented married man who dreams of all the women he has left behind for a dull marriage to his wife (Eve Arden). Successful businessman Mr Melrose (Louis Calhern) is going through a messy divorce with his wife (Zsa Zsa Gabor), who is hoping to make a lucrative settlement from his assets. Just as a soldier (Eddie Bracken) is about to set sail on army duty, he receives news that his wife (Mitzi Gaynor) is pregnant and that he is not married. “If ya ain’t married with the dame when the kid is born, it’s a foul ball”, his sarge tells him.

The news that they are not married comes as either a shock or a relief to each of the couples and the film plays each of the brief situations very well for both laughs and for some satirical swipes at attitudes towards marriage, business and the marriage business. The film has a terrific cast – Ginger Rodgers, Marilyn Monroe, even Lee Marvin has a small part as the soldier’s buddy and most of the situations and performances are terrific, particularly Fred Allen, who delivers some acerbic, sharp and snappy lines with deadpan accuracy. The Monroe segment is however the weakest in the film and Monroe’s acting performance is quite poor, although she mostly just has to play a beauty queen receiving a prize and there’s no lack of credibility in that.

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DVD
We’re Not Married is included in Volume One of the Marilyn Monroe Classic Collection and doesn’t appear to be available separately. Apparently there is a version of the film that has a sixth unmarried couple, but this was cut before the film’s original release – and some audible overdubs can be heard on this version, correcting the numbers. Unfortunately the cut segment starring Walter Brennan and Faith Emerson, which still exists, has not been included in this version of the film, not even as an extra feature. The PAL DVD is encoded for Regions 2 and 4.

Video
The picture quality is very good – surprisingly good for a film this age. It’s slightly grainy but clear, sharp, stable and pretty much without a single mark or scratch on the print. The film is presented in its original 1.33:1 aspect radio, the black & white tones are perfect and there is fabulous detail in shadows and small objects. Chapter divisions are well placed, making each of the segments in the film easy to locate.

Audio
The audio is clear and free from any noise or problems. A few audible overdubs can be heard but this, as I’ve explained above, is a consequence of a re-editing of the final film. Italian and German dubs are included.

Subtitles
English hard of hearing subtitles are included, as are subtitles in a number of other European languages – see sidebar for details.

Extras
There are no extra features on this DVD.

Overall
We’re Not Married is, like the other additions to the new Marilyn Monroe Classic Collection, a fairly minor film as far as Marilyn Monroe is concerned, but it is nevertheless still an enjoyable little comedy with a great cast and a sharp script. A barebones presentation of the film is therefore not unexpected, but the quality of the actual print is surprisingly good.

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